Appliance
Operating System Update Automatically Apologizes for Its Own Existence Six Minutes Post-Install
Microslop says the new Smurfface apology service will run in the background until the user acknowledges that this is also a problem.
REDMOND — Microslop's latest operating system update began apologizing for its own existence six minutes after installation Tuesday, interrupting a Smurfface product demonstration to express regret for the additional account the demonstration now required.
The apology arrived as a notification above a second notification explaining how to silence notifications. Engineers said the delay was intentional: the system first needed enough time to observe what it had done to the computer.
Under the new Remorse Experience framework, every unnecessary intervention generates a small acknowledgment that the user had probably been doing something else. These acknowledgments are collected by a background service that periodically asks permission to remain sorry.
'We heard customers wanted their devices to understand them,' a Microslop spokesperson said. 'The Smurfface now understands that, in many cases, the customer would prefer a different device.' The company described this as its most emotionally compatible release.
During the demonstration, an executive attempted to open a spreadsheet. The operating system instead offered to organize his memories, summarize his intentions and help him discover a shopping opportunity. It then apologized for assuming he was available.
Users can disable individual apologies in Settings, although the master apology switch is managed by the organization. On personal devices, the organization is Microslop. A premium subscription removes the explanatory paragraph from each apology but retains the sound.
The company said a patch would address reports that the update was apologizing for the patch before it had downloaded. Installation requires 11 minutes and a restart, during which the Smurfface will display a photograph of a quiet lake.